Courtship Vs. Dating

[pitbull]

The modern version of dating comes from non-Christian sources . Dating is now so prevalent in our society that most folks can't imagine the social life and "courtship" rituals of American young people being anything different. Many people even think that dating is courtship because they have not learned the differences. Unfortunately, however, with dating's rise has also come the epidemic increase in numbers of unmarried teen-age mothers, date-rape, shot-gun marriages, abortions, divorces, adultery, pornography, suicides [among teens and young adults], psychological problems, and cases of sexually-transmitted diseases.

It is clear throughout scripture that God intends young people to remain chaste until marriage. (Hebrews 13:4) This means they are to stay virgins, never to have engaged in any sexual relations. After they are married, sexual activity is to be exclusive to their husband or wife. Sex outside of the marriage is called adultery. Fornication is any wrong (immoral), sexual intercourse. This includes adultery, sexual perversions and premarital sex. Fornication is clearly sin and sin is never acceptable to God nor should it be to Christians (Galatians 5:19-21). Sin is rebellion against God. Sin is what has separated us from God. It is what Christ came to earth to die for so that we might be made right with God.

As believers, we need to protect ourselves from sin by avoiding temptation [Proverbs 6:24-28; Matthew 5:27-38; I Corinthians 6:13-18; 7:1-8; Ephesians 5:3; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4; Hebrews 13:4]. Unfortunately, we have began to accept what the world considers “rites of passage” for young people, which includes dating, going steady, and petting [engaging in amorous embracing, caressing and kissing]. The Bible warns against this. “Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.” (I Corinthians 7:1-3)

In other words, we are to avoid premarital kissing and handholding. The bride and groom should hold hands for the first time when the father gives her away on her wedding day. They should kiss for the first time at the end of the wedding ceremony when the preacher gives them permission. This is not to be a stick in the mud or a fuddy-duddy. This is to promote holiness and purity in both the man and the woman. Dating does not promote this, whereas Biblical courtship does.

There are four things that need to be kept in mind before one should start to court:

1. Both the man and woman are ready for marriage. Courtship is about finding the mate that God has prepared for you, not for personal enjoyment. This typically means that both have completed their education, are adults, and are ready to assume their Biblical responsibilities.

2. Both need to have the purity and holiness of the other person as preeminence in the relationship. The man is to try to help the woman have a closer relationship with the Lord and the woman is to do the same for the man. They cannot do this if they are allowing their “romantic” desires to control the relationship. Abstinence falls short on this Biblical principle. They may be physical virgins but their hearts may not be pure.

3. Prior to getting married, they should never be allowed [even as adults] to be unchaperoned. This is for their spiritual protection. This is to make sure that they do not have the opportunity to act upon any temptation and ruin what God has in store for them.

4. Our standards, especially in this area, need to be higher than the unsaved world around us. You cannot live a holy and separated life if you are involved in dating, going steady, and the other “rites of passage” that the world assumes that young people are supposed to do. It is impossible.

Start teaching this to your children at an early age. Obviously, there will be a need for teaching different amount to different age levels. But if you wait to teach your child about courtship when he or she is 16, you will have a fight on your hands. It will be nearly impossible because of the indoctrination of the world’s form of dating. Start training them early so they will know how to respond to peer pressure and the lure of the world. "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." [Proverbs 22:6]